Sir Toadswallow

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   <default>Sir Toadswallow</default>
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Sir Turdswallow, known euphemistically as Sir Toadswallow,<ref>“Sir Toadswallow,” the goblin with the monocle introduced himself, giving them an insincere smile.

“Toadswallow. Is that toad and swallow or toads and wallow?” Verona asked.

“Activities best enjoyed when it is both at the same time, girl. It’s a stage name,” he said.

Lucy crossed her arms. “What kind of stage?”

“I work with children,” Toadswallow said, before giving her a wide smile that showed all of his teeth. - Excerpt from Lost for Words 1.2</ref> is a a Goblin and the current leader of the Kennet Others.

Personality

Toadswallow is an intelligent goblin who has carved out his own niche, arguably as a self-made as anyone can be. While naturally intelligent or cunning as goblins are usually described he has taken the time to educate himself as well. Filling in gaps in his knowledge and seeking to learn. He collects tricks that he keeps up his sleeve for a long time. Has a wide range of experience.

Toadswallow has found a nitch as a "polite" goblin for Practitioner children to practice interactions with his kind.<ref name=":2" /> He's a noted long-term planner and strategist but he has issues with the finer details which can slip by him.<ref>“Me, then,” Lucy announced.  Process of elimination.  “You won’t hurt me too badly?”

“I’ll keep to my oaths,” the boy-Guilherme said.

She held the hot lead, painful against her upper palm, as it touched her ring.  She had another pen in her pocket.

She held it back, stepping a bit closer to him.

“Give him a show!” Verona called out.

“Make him bleed!” one of the goblins with a voice Lucy didn’t recognize called out.
[...]
“We’ll make it fair,” Guilherme said.  He paced.  “One on one.  You pick your champion.  I’ll waive all deals and conditions about harm for this.  You can bleed me, if you’re good enough, and if your champion draws one droplet of blood out of me, I’ll surrender.”

“This is so stupid,” Toadswallow called out.  “Just grab ’em!”

Avery, Verona, Brie, and Lucy all backed off the road, into the shade of trees.
[...]
“Less talk, more scrapping!” Toadswallow hollered.

The goblins in the background jeered.
[...]
She looked at her friends, expecting to see the disappointment, or frustration matching her own.

She stared for a few long seconds.

“Frig, poop, darn, damn!” Toadswallow cursed.

The goblins realized.  They gave chase.

Put on a show, Verona had said.

Lucy hadn’t even caught that one, which was probably good, because the Others hadn’t either.

A still image, drawn up in glamour, of Verona, Avery, and Brie, huddled in the foliage off to the side.

The goblins fled.  Guilherme didn’t chase. - Excerpt from Out on a Limb 3.8</ref><ref name="10.eD2">“So we’re on a similar page, then, hm?”  He chortled.

“Perhaps.  I did hope to sound you out about the page you were on, Toadswallow.”

“The last I checked, the last page I glanced at was a French lingerie magazine, with fancy words for each outfit.”

“Don’t deflect.  I said I’d figured you out, Toadswallow.  I think you’re very smart, but you’re also prone to missing out on the critical details.  I suspect I know your answer, but I wanted to ask… of the two sides, one wanting to take the Carmine Throne and cast Kennet in new light, and one wanting to oppose that and seek peace…”

“John’s peace?”

“John’s peace, yes.  Who do you side with?”

“Neither.” - Excerpt from One After Another 10.e</ref>

Relationships

Apprentices

Teaching Cherrypop and Bluntmunch to work with children.<ref name=":2">“When a practitioner drops a bit of meat from their nethers and wants to teach it to deal with goblinkind, they like to have goblins they’ve met and made deals with beforehand for the practice and initial lessons. They summon, I go, they pay me.”

“You might get better business if you didn’t call the clients nether-droppings,” Lucy said.

Toadswallow smiled, and it was so fake it looked like someone trying to smile for the first time and doing it badly… with added fangs. “My most regular summoners seem to have misplaced their books, and I have some time to myself. I’m training some of this lot to do the child-work. Cherrypop is the noisy little foetal deposit here in my hands. The big one is… let’s call him Bluntmunch.”

The big goblin groaned, low, long, and drawn out. - Excerpt from Lost for Words 1.2</ref>

Kennet Trio

Impressed with the girls, <ref>“The good news is, little britches,” Toadswallow said, “We’re happy, we’re pleased. We’ll teach you more if you want to learn. Unanimous.” - Excerpt from Out on a Limb 3.7</ref> thinks they are very smart and capable.

Trying to make Snowdrop a bit more goblin, intending to set her up as a Goblin Sage.

The Tedds

Some of the nether droppings he's taught came from this family, the children were impressed and became very fond of their uncle toad, he in turn cares for their well being.<ref>“Are they holding America here?” Toadswallow asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Our dame was expelled but she didn’t go home.  She didn’t go to the local jetsam-of-dry-land.  Her sister doesn’t know where she is.”

“Are you close?” Lucy asked.

“Taught them the beginnings of what they know.  I’m Uncle Toad to them.  Fine, distinguished young ladies of the upper crust, until I got to them.  They liked what I taught enough to pursue it as their specialty.”

“Their dad isn’t a big goblin mage?”

“Some.  And many other things.  There’s a reason they haven’t called him.” - Excerpt from Gone Ahead 7.2</ref> Even if he's cautious around them as practitioners and because of their father wanted to bind him.<ref>“You guys know Toad for real, then?” Liberty asked Verona.

Verona hesitated.

“It’s nothing against you, Liberty,” Toadswallow said.  “Someone like your father wanted me on a full-time basis.  A complete and total binding, maybe as a familiar.  I wasn’t interested, so I had to drop away.”

“It sucked, seeing that the pages for summoning you were missing from the books.”

“I’ve missed you and your sister.  We’ll find a way to stay in touch.  Catch up.”

Liberty nodded.

“She’s out there?” Toadswallow asked.

“Or she’s in the big building Bristow is building.  I think she’s fully bound,” Liberty said.  “Keeping her out of the way.” - Excerpt from Gone Ahead 7.7</ref><ref>“I left the Tedd princesses and others behind when practitioners less savvy and less powerful than you three started trying to figure out how to bind me to keep me for themselves.  The Tedds’ father wanted to use me as a bargaining chip, hoping that if he gave them me, they’d do as he’d hoped and pick up more practices.”

“Is that what happened?” Verona asked.

“Don’t get sidetracked,” Lucy murmured.

“It did.  He was happy to let them pursue their interests, because he thought they’d pick up all the combat-relevant practices, and I was to be a bargaining chip to entice them further along that path.  I tore out the pages related to me and disappeared.”

“We have their number.  We could let them know,” Verona said.

Toadswallow considered, then told her, “As you wish.  I’ll leave that decision to you.  I hinted at it, but I didn’t want to give the man reasons to look harder for me.  My point is, dear girls, I’m wary.  I’m clever and capable for my size, I’m traveled, I’ve learned and I didn’t expect you to learn and work with one another like you did.  I can understand why others would vote against teaching you binding.  Or how they might worry how you changed when away at school, when you’d grown so fast already from the meager gifts we’d given you.” - Excerpt from Shaking Hands 9.7</ref>

Bubblecum

Sir Toadswallow and Bubblecum have a tumultuous relationship with, they're currently letting it cool as she's currently off being a familiar now.<ref name="lurve">“Remember what I said about war and fighting, my dears?” Toadswallow asked, voice guttural. “I dare say the matters of men and women, men and men, women and women, men and sheep-” [...] “-It’s messy. Especially the goats. It doesn’t get less messy. You find someone to wallow in the mess with you.”

“That’s a worrying phrasing, with your name and everything, Toadswallow.”
[...]
“Do you have anyone?” Avery asked. “Is there a Mrs. Toadswallow in the cards? Or Mr.?”

“Sometimes there’s a someone. But much as I said, it’s sloppy and messy. Life pulls us in different directions. She’s a familiar right now and I won’t see her until the fist-biting chump she’s partnered with slips from this mortal coil.”

“I’m not sure what to say to that,” Avery said. “If I wish you luck I’d be hoping for the guy to die.”

“I dare say that being at a loss for words is a fine response to something a goblin says,” Toadswallow remarked. - Excerpt from Gone Ahead 7.2</ref>

Deedee

Met when they were both much younger, he gave her a lot of help and she gave him advice and more. She's the reason he ventured into other places and started tutoring. While it started as a debtor relationship it seems to have bloomed into a genuine friendship.

Appearance

Sir Toadswallow has a waistcoat and monocle. His belly has nails sticking out from the inside. He's smaller than a human<ref>She could see the things in the bushes. Small, ugly, and twisted. Something she might have taken as a stone in the corner of her eye was a figure too lumpy and misshapen to be a person. Three other things were perched on him, one maybe a girl, tiny with red-stained skin, her expression twisted into a permanent scowl, then a fat one with what looked like nails sticking point-out from the inside of his belly, wearing a waistcoat and monocle, and a scrawny one with a nose like a pickaxe. - Excerpt from Lost for Words 1.1</ref> and fanged <ref name=":2" /> with knobby, clawed fingers.<ref>The goblin with the monocle wrapped his hands around the littlest goblin’s lower face, knobby fingers with pointed claws interlacing. - Excerpt from Lost for Words 1.2</ref>

He is rather fat, and he jiggles while he walks on his too short legs.<ref>Toadswallow was round, with legs a bit too short to be practical, and he crossed the street at a run that required him to rock from side to side to get his legs up enough, while periodically touching the ground with one hand to keep from tumbling or sprawling. - Excerpt from Lost for Words 1.5</ref>

Abilities and Art

Turdswallow He has a large amount of knowledge about many different areas of Goblins and practice, he is especially fond of using different tricks including goblin-related Magic Items and various fauna.<ref>It was only Toadswallow, who was catching up, a cloud of nose-burning gas surrounding him, the gas bladder stuck to his hip, and… no Cherrypop. She was either being sneaky, or she’d run off to notify people.

Toadswallow had more gadgets and tricks. That was his thing, maybe. Bluntmunch hit things, Gashwad messed things up, Cherry was useless, and Toadswallow… he knew the tricks, he collected them.

He spiked a wooden box onto the train tracks.

Rats and mice spilled out. Way too many for the box. - Excerpt from Out on a Limb 3.8</ref>

His weapon form is a single boxing glove filled with tricks, he and Bubblecum form a matching set.<ref>The ‘soggy handshake’ was Toadswallow’s weapon form.  Goblins could become weapons, and his was something akin to a lone boxing glove resembling a very full diaper in consistency.  A heavy shackle locked it to the wrist, which let him mess with whoever had their hand stuck inside by having something writhe against the hand.  It also stored an improbably large number of random little goblin tricks and trinkets.  Glue bombs, screaming doll heads, capsules of suspicious looking brown paint, a Mother Tick from the warrens… distractions, easily fired off from the wrist with a slap of the free hand.

He’d worked with Bubble to match in that regard.  He was the right hand, she was the left.  Mismatched pugilist’s gloves. - Excerpt from One After Another 10.e</ref> As with all weapon forms it reflects the goblin itself, being an accessory that can help shape the landscape and tilt an encounter of er but not directly win it.<ref> Toadswallow wasn’t a fighter, so his ‘weapon’ wasn’t good in a direct fight.  It was good at bringing enemies low and bothering them, but the wrist attachment allegedly let the wielder unload a lot of tricks and traps. - Excerpt from False Moves 12.2</ref>

Called a knob by other goblins<ref name="FCB">– Toadswallow. 3ish feet tall. Described as a ‘Shitter’
[...]
Toad is a ‘knob’ - Faerie Courts & GoblinsFaerie Courts & Goblins</ref> and alternatively a Shitter, which seems to be one of his original proficiencies,<ref>Poke 3</ref> even claiming mastery of flatus and other anal secretions.<ref name="flat" />

Tools

Ts specializes in tricks and traps.^{[citation needed]} Has a huge amount of tricks and similar that he keeps in an undisclosed location, TS is able to use Warren's Mud to access it and not worry about losing anything.<ref>Toadswallow unbuttoned his top button, reached into his vest, and dug into the mud he kept wet and close to his body, between fabric and shirt.  Clawed fingertips traced a circle and he reached into that circle, arm plunging into the hole there, to withdraw a stinkweed, growing out of a pot filled with specially treated manure. - Excerpt from One After Another 10.e</ref> Compiling an exhaustive list of everything he has been seen to use would be neigh impossible.

Chronology

Before

He was born in the middling Warrens and was immediately required to fight against others of his kind. One of his first lessons was never to show weakness.

Met his friend Deedee's fuck buddy Ben'T'over. He feigned shock over finding the depth of their relationship but he was not actively disapproving.

Arc 1: Lost For Words

Sir Toadswallow, as well as other goblins including Cherrypop, attends the awakening ritual of Verona Hayward, Lucy Ellingson, and Avery Kelly. He and the other goblins consumed the offered meat.

Got into trouble when escorting the trio to John's house.

Return to Kennet

His long term plan was discovered by Lucy thanks to the manipulations of Crooked Rook.

After Edith's arrest he was voted as the new leader of the Kennet council.<ref>“Did you finish voting?” Verona asked.

“Toadswallow won.”- Excerpt from Dash to Pieces 11.5</ref> Later he gave the trio permission to go after Maricica and to bring in outside help.<ref>“We want permission to deal with Cig and Lis, as a lead in to dealing Maricica.”

“Granted,” Toadswallow said, brow furrowed, gaze on the lightbulb monocle.

“Just like that?  You don’t want details, or-”

“I trust you enough,” he said.  “Snowdrop, do I have any reason to mistrust them?”

“Every reason in the world.”

“You have permission.  What else?”

“We want to bring in help.”

“Who?”

“Liberty, to start.  She’d love to see you, while she’s at it.”

“Granted.  What else?”

“And Zed, and Nicolette.  We’d need permission, to let her spy past the barriers we’ve erected, spy on Maricica.  And Raymond wants to visit Charles, or have Charles visit…”

“You have your permission.  They can enter.  I’ll talk to Montague about the barrier, he knows it well, grand horror of a thing, Montague is.”- Excerpt from Dash to Pieces 11.11</ref>

Trivia

• How his names are parsed is a matter of debate in fandom. Should it be t---s-Wallow or t---Swallow.<ref>“Sir Toadswallow,” the goblin with the monocle introduced himself, giving them an insincere smile.
  
  “Toadswallow. Is that toad and swallow or toads and wallow?” Verona asked.
  
  “Activities best enjoyed when it is both at the same time, girl. It’s a stage name,” he said. - Excerpt from Lost for Words 1.2</ref>
  • It should be noted that he claimed to swallow amphibians,<ref>“Ahem!” he cleared his throat, lying on his back. He floundered for a position where he could sit up. “Ahem. I’ve had a literal frog in my throat for days now, little blaggard has been fighting to avoid being swallowed. You cleared me right up, and he’s swimming in the old digestive juices now, kicking up a storm. Good show.” - Excerpt from Gone Ahead 7.1</ref> further given his knowledge of underwear stains he would be familiar with such wallowing.<ref name="flat">“Something’s up,” Toadswallow said. “Butty laid down a prime crop-duster earlier, the sort that makes flowers wilt and gives brain damage to babies.”
    
    Butty, still face-down in the pavement, shirtless and sweaty, wearing only a lime green thong, giggled, high pitched, his entire body jiggling. Nat, meanwhile, pulled her hair free of Toadswallow’s grip. She grabbed a bit of fallen sign and tore at it with her hand, giving Lucy, Verona, and Toadswallow wary looks.
    
    “Why does this fart matter?” Lucy asked.
    
    “It was as redolent as it should have been, but not as lasting.”
    
    “You keep track?” Verona asked.
    
    “I am an esteemed expert in matters of vital expulsion. Rest assured,” the monocle-wearing goblin told them. “If it comes from the body and can leave stains, I know more than enough.”
    
    “Fair enough,” Verona told him. - Excerpt from Back Away 5.1</ref><ref name="lurve" /><ref name="FCB" />

References

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